Anxiety & Depression, Grief, Self Navigating The Wilderness of Burnout

By Hannah Stapleton
BY HANNAH STAPLETON, GRACE ATTENDER

I am perpetually tired. I either get enough sleep but still wake up exhausted or I struggle to fall asleep and wake up exhausted. The thought of going to work makes my heart start to race and I want to cry. I feel a strong, physical urge saying, “no you can’t go.” My house is in disarray because when I come home, I am so tired that I can’t manage the thought of picking up dirty clothes or straightening things up. Even reading, my go-to restful activity doesn’t help me feel any better.

This is my wilderness—burnout.

My job moves in a feast or famine cycle—we are either incredibly busy and pulling overtime or we have nothing to do. And that’s a cycle I’m having a hard time adjusting to. Our summer was frantic – between moving, going on our honeymoon (which brought some financial stress, I won’t lie to you), my husband transitioning jobs, and the craziest work season my department has had, I have nothing left. No energy. No resources. I am coasting by.

Friends, I am lost. This is my craggy wilderness. I make it through each day, feeling no better than the day before. It doesn’t matter if I exercise or don’t, if I eat healthy or McDonalds. All the self-care that’s supposed to help, just doesn’t make a difference.

I miss feeling like myself.

This sermon series couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m trying to do better about my church attendance, and this felt like God reaching down and grabbing my hand, reminding me that I am not forgotten or alone.

This past week, we sang two songs that jumped out me. “Yes I Will” by Vertical Worship and “Way Maker” by Leeland. As I sang these two songs that affirmed who God is, it felt like I was at my own oasis of Elim, just like the Israelites we’ve been reading about.

If God is a “Way Maker,” like I believe He is, then He has already made a way for me out of my wilderness. I may not see it. It may look like the rest of the landscape. But it is there. He made a way for me out of my life of sin and led to me a place of redemption. He has made a way for me out of other wildernesses before. He has made a way for me out of my burnout. He is Way Maker.

I don’t know what this way looks like to know if I’m on the right track. My only response, the only thing I have to offer up to God right now is just a simple phrase— “Yes I will.” Whatever He asks, whatever I have to do to get out of here, “Yes I will.” Just like the Israelites, if I’m going to get out of this, all I have to do is offer up a lifestyle of obedience. I have to trust the Way Maker and follow where He guides me.

I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this wilderness. I don’t know when I’m going to get out of this. But I trust my Way Maker. I cling to His history of faithfulness. I trust that He gives his children good gifts (Matthew 7:11) and that he will give me my manna—He will give me not just what I need to sustain but to thrive. I trust that He has begun work in me and that He is not in the business of abandoning His people. That even though I may not see a pillar of cloud or fire, that does not mean that He isn’t right beside me, listening and guiding me.
 

New to Grace Church?

You're invited to church this Sunday! We host two, identical services each Sunday morning at 9:15 a.m. & 11:00 a.m.

Plan a Visit