Big Idea: For God’s kingdom sake, you’ve got to grow up! And you have His power to do so.
INTRODUCTION:
A young adult living with his parents solely focused on conquering video game levels? That’s one picture of someone caught in adultolescence. Here are some others:
“You might be caught in adultolescence if…”
· Peter Pan is your hero who you want to emulate OR
· The theme song of your life is “I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid”
· Video gaming with friends all over the country via headset OR watching football trumps conversation and even “you-know-what” with your wife
· It’s been three years since your graduation from college and you’ve had multiple job offers in your field but you won’t accept them because in your eyes, those jobs are “beneath” you… too “low on the totem pole” for someone of your brains and skill and degree / pedigree
· Your social media persona is more important and more real to you than the real-life
· You have a job and your own place, but your parents still pay all of those bills they were paying end of high school and through college like your car payment, auto insurance, cell phone plan, school loans, and any balance on the credit card they gave you.
Now some of you are asking what this term - adultolescence – even means. You’ve never heard of it. And you might also be wondering why it matters for the church to talk about it
Let me answer the second question first.
RECAP Series:
We are talking about it because we are in a series called “Awkward” where we are looking at topics that can and are, frankly, awkward to talk about, especially within families and communities. Topics that can be “the elephant in the room” of conversations.
The past two weeks, we’ve focused on two topics that particularly touch the older generations: the Traditionalists (1901-1943) and Boomers (1944-1964) in our midst and maybe a few older Gen Xers (1965-1982). Two weeks ago, Dave talked about retirement. Last week, Tim focused on “End of Life and Death” and in particular, the challenge to die well with dignity and grace befitting a follower of Jesus.
This week, we look at a topic geared toward the younger generations: one that will touch possibly some young Gen Xers (1965-1982) but more specifically, it’s a topic for Millenials (1982-2003).
And it is important for us to talk about as the church because adultolescence has the power to sabotage the mission of God - sabotage the impact God wants to make through young adults everywhere for the sake of His mission in the world by perpetuating immaturity within young adults! By keeping young adults stuck in the in-between of being an adolescent and being an adult.
And frankly, Millenials, the world can’t wait for you to grow up….
…for the world is dying faster than we can make disciples. Dying faster as a world riddled with the brokenness that leads to such tragedies as what we saw in Charleston this week, tragedies that can happen at any moment, such a world can’t wait for to you take responsibility and grow up… to get a holy ambition for your calling in life… the world CAN’T wait for you to mature.
So here’s the challenge of today’s message for young adults seeking to avoid adultolescence OR become stuck in an adultolescent mindset:
For God’s kingdom sake, you’ve got to grow up!
And talking about this topic is important for older adults as well - to know and understand both in order to help young adults stay out / get out of it AND for those adults raising children who either are imminently approaching OR will one day be young adults – to know how to help them avoid adultolescence. Older generations must make sure they are not enabling adultolescence.
· Which by the way… parents of children, one of the best things you can do right now to help your children for when they are at this place in life in the future – even if that is 10-15 years from now – is to not make your kids the center of the universe!
· Avoiding feeding them any sense of entitlement. Let them even fail a little bit; take responsibility a lot. These things will help them avoid later what is described as one of the results of adultolescence: being completely self-focused.
Now let’s go to that other question: what in the world is this adultolescence that must be avoided or gotten out of?
Like Tim caveated last week, let me caveat at the beginning here by saying there is so much that – believe it or not – can and should be said related to this topic. In fact, in each of the past two years, our young adult community, Access, has done a 6 week series on the various issues related to adultolescence because of its complexity. And so I am just opening up the topic today regarding this issue.
Adultolescence is the sociological term being used today for a stage of life that merges adolescents and adulthood, most often identified as “adolescence extended” OR “delaying adulthood.” Those reports, for example, say adolescence now goes to age 30 or even 35. Yes I said adolescence – that time of life that begins around 12 years old NOW extending to 30 or beyond even.
It’s that potential “land between” when adulthood is delayed by procrastinating responsibilities, prolonging an adolescent mindset. Two notable phrases are used that you might have heard related to this potentially awkward topic:
· “Failure to launch” – a phrase made more famous by a Matthew McConhaughey movie
· “Boomerang kids”
Adultolescence has been most notably documented in the research of Notre Dame Professor of Sociology, Christian Smith. Smith in particular explains that this sociological phenomena has developed due to a number of contributing factors to adultolescence:
· College debt
o 70% of 2013 graduated with close to $30K in loan debt.
o Yahoo.com article dates June 15, 2015: “Looking for the next crisis? Try Student Debt”
§ “The numbers are staggering: more than $1.2 trillion in outstanding student loan debt, 40 million borrowers, an average balance of $29,000.”
· American and global economy – stable, career-type jobs have been undermined and replaced with careers of low security and lower income leading to frequent job changes. Such changes also then include the need for new training and even sometimes going back to school.
o One business analyst notes that Millenials – this generation most noted to live in adultolescence – will likely have up to 5 different careers in their lifetime, three (3) of which probably don’t even exist yet.
· Delay of marriage - The growing trend to delay getting married, with can perpetuate immaturity because an individual has no reason to look beyond themselves with direct responsibility or even care for another person.
· Parents - the final factor, particularly noted by Smith. Parents who are becoming increasingly willing to extend their financial and other support to their children well into their 20’s and even into their 30’s. Parents who sometimes enable the adultolescence.
These factors lead then to the following attributes of those stuck in adultolescence – an adultolescent mindset:
1. Identity exploration – who are they? What gives them a sense of identity?
2. Instability – particularly because of job, career status
3. Focus on self – not responsible for someone else SO it’s all about me
4. Feelings of living in limbo / transition
Sounds a lot like adolescence, doesn’t it? What adolescents – those of you in MS and HS OR who are raising MS / HS students are experiencing in life right now, right?
Now, as I’ve hinted at a few times already, adultolescence is more about the mindset of not maturing and not wanting to mature (procrastinating becoming a grown up) than circumstance. Namely, it is not necessarily defined by circumstance.
· For some, the mature thing to do is live at home in order to pay off debt and then move out OR save up money in preparation for what God is calling you to do with your life.
· For some, more schooling is NOT an avoidance of a real world job, but the path to God’s leading in your life.
· For some, NOT going on in formal collegiate education is exactly what is best for you because of the way God wired you to be who He wants you to be.
· For some of you, waiting to get married is NOT a sign of NOT growing up; it’s actually a mature decision to make because you know there are some deeper issues you need to work through individually.
Adultolescence is really an issue of the heart.
So… young adults – Millenials and Gen Xers - are you growing up? maturing?
OR are you perpetuating immaturity in your life?
In all cases, moving into adulthood – this growing up – is signified by maturing into the grown up version of you – the one who takes responsibility for one’s life to become who God has called them to be for the sake of His mission in the world.
For God’s kingdom sake, you’ve got to grow up!
Let’s be honest, this maturing is a challenge!
So, does God have anything to say about how to do this?
GOD:
First of all, God has some explicit comments about maturing, even specifically with regards to growing up from childish ways to adulthood. There are numerous places where an author in the Scriptures uses the image of growing up / maturing, but two of the best known are these:
With regard to how we love, Paul says:
1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [adult], I put the ways of childhood behind me.
And from Hebrews:
Hebrews 5:13-6:1
13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. 6:1Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity…
But how do we do it?
I think there are two key actions to lead you into maturity and out of adultolescence:
1. Get to know yourself and God by experiencing Him so that you are transformed and come to possess His divine power.
Then…
2. Get a holy ambition and through His powerful enabling, go after it so that the world can be transformed.
It is living your calling – your Ephesians 2:10 destiny we sometimes call it here - in this world that makes your growing up SO IMPORTANT! You’ve got to get a holy ambition and go after it.
Turn with me to 2 Peter 1.
These actions are what I see Peter describing for the whole church in 2 Peter 1, but I am applying them especially to you, young adults, in this battle again adultolescence.
2 Peter 1:3-11
3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them (the promises) you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
· NO EXCUSES to growing up / maturing for those who have come to “know” him because His divine power is in us!
o Reference to experiential knowing of God through Jesus Christ – not “I have a personal relationship with God through Jesus” BUT RATHER “I experience everyday a relationship with God through Jesus.”
o Called, it says, by means of his “glory” – “glory” of God is often a reference to His power – so it is His power that called us into relationship and then is transferred to us through the Holy Spirit’s indwelling to live a godly – or might I say also a maturing – life.
· His divine power through the promised the Holy Spirit…
o participate in the divine nature – no not become “gods” per se, but divine nature in the sense of reflecting His image as image bearer AND sharing in His nature by the presence of His Spirit in our lives
o Escape the world’s corruption – in other words power to say no to temptation, sin, evil, darkness!
His divine power comes through knowledge of God enabling us to a godly life – one that, as we see, produces the fruit of godly character and calling as we continue in vs. 5:
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.
· These attributes all represent maturity of faith and thus life – maturity of character!
· Attributes – like goodness (moral excellence NLT) and self-control and perseverance – coupled with Action – namely, godliness, brotherly affection, and love (think Jesus: loving God and loving others including our enemies).
He continues in vs. 8:
8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
· Admonishment to make sure that their “knowledge” is true experiential knowledge and therefore that is productive and useful for the kingdom!
o “knowledge” – again experiential knowledge
But for those who haven’t matured to possess these attributes and actions, you are…
· “nearsighted / blind / forgetting” – alternate ways of saying immature… haven’t grown up!
In other words, possess these attributes and actions in your character because you grew up – you matured - SO THAT you bear fruit of the kingdom in this world… fruit that fits your calling, as we continue in vs. 10:
10Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
· “make every effort” but not in one’s own strength – go back to vs. 3 – through the strength that comes from “His divine power”!
Such mature, faithful obedience that leads to living one’s calling in God’s kingdom in the here and now AND on into all eternity!
Peter is saying grow up in your faith. Mature into your calling. And realize that such maturity is possible because God has provided His divine power!
So how do you avoid / get out of adultolescence and grow up / mature for God’s kingdom sake?
By the power of God that you come to possess through deep knowing of Him which then enables you to live your calling – your holy ambition!
This deep knowing of God is what Professor of Psychology and Spirituality, David Benner calls transformational knowing.
He describes it this way in his book The Gift of Being Yourself:
There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self; and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God. The Gift of Being Yourself, David Benner
In particular for young adults, Millenials, it is knowing of God and self so that you are transformed from narcissistic manipulation of others to open, vulnerable community with others.
What do I mean by that?
There are stages of life that all human beings go through where in each stage the soul has a task that a person is learning.
For example, for infants, they are learning trust which if done poorly, results in fear and if done well, results in security. In adolescence, ages 12+ are learning identity which if done poorly, results in confusion and if done well, results in affirmation of who they are.
For young adults, starting around age 22, they move from this task of learning identity to the task of learning intimacy – how to be in healthy INTERDEPENDENT relationships. If done poorly, this results in narcissitic isolation. That’s the exact phenomena of being stuck in adultolescence – an exaggerated focus on self, to the point of manipulating others.
BUT if a young adult completes the task of mastering intimacy well, the resulting benefit is healthy community. Interdependent community with a healthy ability to give and receive well – stand apart from others AND lean on others in healthy ways.
And a young adult learns that task well by growing up. By experiencing transformational knowing where knowing God by experience and knowing themselves through introspective experience results in health.
But if you don’t learn this task well, you will remain stuck in adultolescence – an adultolescent mindset – still searching for identity frankly like an adolescent AND hurting all of your relationships because of such an exaggerated self-focus that you are stuck in life!
Now I realize that is a mouthful, but I can tell you from experience that I have watched this happen in our young adults in Access. I’ve seen many of them take the deep dive into understanding who they are, who God is, and how God has made them and who then He wants them to become… and it has led them to avoid adultolescence OR get out of it and into their holy ambition – their calling!
· One discovered clarity for her calling, went back to school finding her holy ambition - and all this while maturing in open relationships with others – moving from self-focus to others-centered.
· Another uprooted the deep hurtful impact of her past, found God’s healing through knowing Him and subsequently latched on to her holy ambition which has her halfway across the world right now into a yearlong internship with Nairobi Chapel.
And while these two, among numerous others, found deep knowing of God and His power for their calling, still others truncated the process and are struggling to get out of adultolescence.
So again, how do you avoid adultolescence / get out of an adultolescent mindset?
1. Get to know yourself and God by experiencing Him so that you are transformed and come to possess His divine power.
Then…
2. Get a holy ambition and through His powerful enabling, go after it so that the world can be transformed.
His power to enable your calling that calls you out of adultolescence!
God’s enabling power that through your calling necessitates your maturity. Like what we see in the life of Joshua in the OT.
We don’t know how old exactly, but there is every indication that he was younger when God called Moses to commission Joshua as Moses’ successor.
· Numbers 27: 18-20, 22 – Joshua chosen
o “The Lord replied, “Take Joshua son of Nun, who has the Spirit in him, and lay your hands on him. …and publicly commission him to lead the people. Transfer some of your authority to him so the whole community of Israel will obey him. …22 So Moses did as the Lord commanded.”
And then God speaks Himself to Joshua saying,
· Joshua 1: 5, 9
“…the Lord said to Joshua: ‘Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them. THEN three times God says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
o Take Israel into the land and do it with strength and courage BECAUSE God is with you - His power is in you!
God’s enabling power that through his calling necessitated Joshua’s maturity.
God’s enabling power that through my calling necessitated my maturity.
My story:
That moment for me as a young adult that required me to live the grown up life for the sake of God’s kingdom:
· Continentals… age 23
o Becoming a Director – a moment in my life when the circumstances called me to maturity
o First day / church as director - walking in to church looking for director in front of me and realizing I was the director with my assistants and lead team following me in!
§ Expectations changed…
§ How I acted had to be with maturity – with the role
· I didn’t want to always do my time alone with God that we did on the bus. I was tired. I wanted to sleep more. But that wasn’t an option. I had to be the grown up.
· The discipleship teaching for the day? I didn’t always feel like teaching… exerting that energy.
· The relational conflicts? I had to mediate them… without favoritism or cynicism.
· Interacting with pastors sometimes three times my age representing a worldwide ministry? No time for adolescent behavior there.
§ Had to mature BECAUSE kingdom stuff depended on it!
· As one guy said to me at the end of my first summer tour directing, “I will always remember you because you were the first person to disciple me.”
And you, like Joshua… like I had at age 23, possess God’s divine power through relationship with Him that will enable you at the moment when God’s call necessitates your maturity!
Conclusion:
That moment when you are called clearly to “grow up” because as a follower of Jesus the work of God’s kingdom mission depends on your faithful, mature obedience.
· Bunch of 20-somethings training this weekend to build their support teams because their “Joshua” moment has come to them as they prepare to be yearlong interns at Grace starting this fall – interns discerning God’s call for them in our regenerate vision
· In this group, there’s probably a church planter OR two, possibly some future staff for our campuses and / or Gateway City church plants with Nairobi Chapel, and ultimately holy ambitions for the sake of God’s mission in the world wherever God leads them!
· We don’t know exactly… but what I do know is that adultolescence isn’t part of the plan (calling).
What’s it going to take for you to stop perpetuating immaturity and surrender yourself, tapping into the power of God to lead you to maturity – to avoid adultolescence…to get out it if you are stuck?
Your best steps practically? Do things that will help you to 1) get to know God and yourself by experiencing him AND 2) get a holy ambition – your calling:
· For some… involvement in Access – young adult community for 18-25 year olds that specifically exists to help young adults avoid OR get out of adultolescence
· For others… a short term trip OR a consistent place to serve where you can get out of your self-focus, meet God, and get a holy ambition
· For still others... counseling to bring healing to the past wounds that stunted your souls’ growth through the stages of your development
· For all… Way of Discipleship – not a commercial – ongoing relationship with someone else whose walked this road already and will help you
o Journey leading to deep knowing of God and self
o Journey into your calling
For God’s kingdom sake, you’ve got to grow up! And you have His power to do so.
And the world – in all its brokenness and pain - CAN’T WAIT for you to mature!
So this is what I pray from Paul’s prayer to the church at Ephesus:
Ephesians 3:16-20 (NLT)
16 (I pray) that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete (mature?) with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
20 (Now) all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Amen.