Bless This Mess – worship together weekend - Parenting:
Parenting definitely has its crazy moments. No matter how old your children are they always provide you with some insane moments. With each stage, it is different but those moments are still there. In some families, the crazy may outnumber the sane.
(Fun fact: I have tons of stories of how our insane moments totally outweigh sane. Feel free to ask me sometime)
But one thing is for sure – once you become a parent – you never stop being a parent. Whether your child is 4 or 40 they will always be your child and the role and job of a parent never ends.
We are in week 2 of our series Bless this Mess. Last week Tim spoke on aging and this week I am going to tackle parenting. And like Tim and his topic of aging, I suppose I was tasked with this topic because I am a parent. And although I will do my best to represent all parents – much of this has been a personal journey for me. And I certainly don’t have all the answers – just ask the 4 people that call me mom but I hope and pray that what God has laid on my heart will be poignant, motivating and helpful to everyone in this room and at our Fishers campus, our N Indy campus and those of you watching online. So, before we really dig in – I’d like to pray.
Pray – mention message is for everyone – and the pain of not having children – pray that they will see clearly how they fit into all that You are saying today
So, the job of a parent never ends – but who is a parent? In the world we live in today – who is a parent? We showed a clip at the beginning of service from Leave it to Beaver – and I would venture to say that defining a parent in the 1950s was probably easier than defining it today.
Fun fact: I love all of those old 1950s sitcoms – especially “I Love Lucy” – I modeled much of my comedic acting after her and Carol Burnett
What is the definition of a parent?
- the material or source from which something is derived
- organism, cell, or complex molecular structure that generates or produces another:
But parents are much more than just the person who generates another person.
- A person who brings up and cares for another
That is the definition that I think fits our world best today – it is someone who brings up and cares for another or many others in a lot of cases. And there are so many types of people that fit this definition in our world – who fill this role.
We have:
A two-parent household
Step parents
Grandparents raising their grandchildren (side note – I just saw a report on this the other day – and the opioid epidemic in our country is growing this number rapidly)
Adoptive parents – both domestically and internationally – which in some cases means there are kids from different backgrounds – different cultures growing up in the same home with the same parents
Single parents
Foster parents
In other words – we have all sorts of different parenting scenarios in our world today. But no matter what type of parent you are – you play many different roles. You are tasked with being:
Leader
Counselor
Manager
Motivator
Mentor
Discipler
Doctor
Nurse
Teacher
Chauffer
Adviser
Tutor
Director
Coach
Chef
Fashion consultant
Hairdresser
Tear wiper
Nose wiper
Other wiper
Band aid applier
Splinter remover
And the list goes on and on.
Fun fact: This list makes me really tired. And it’s not even complete. What would you add to it?
We – as parents, as care givers - have to do and be a lot!
It’s worship together weekend – so we have our 2nd thru 8th grade students with us in service at all 3 campuses. Did you ever think about how much your parent or parents do for you? Well I have a little exercise for you to do and high schoolers and adults you should do this too.
Fun fact: I love having my kids in service with me. I always have. I love getting to chat with them afterward about all that we experienced together.
Explain exercise and give them a moment to do it.
I’m sure the space wasn’t even big enough for you to write down everything that your parents have done and or continue to do for you. They do a lot, don’t they? I mean my kids better have run out of room…
Their job is pretty hard, isn’t it?
So, you know what your parents do – but do you know who they are – do you know anything about them besides what they do for you?
We’re going to play a little game to find out. And we’re going to need 3 students and their parent to volunteer at each campus. And the rest of you can play along in your seats. I’m going to turn it over to the hosts at each campus for the game.
Game
That was fun – how did you do? How well do you know your parent/s?
You may have known the answers to some of those questions but I believe there are some things that every parent feels that we wish you – the community around us – knew. I hope I am representing parents adequately. This is the list I came up with and you may have some to add or delete but I feel like this covers most of what parents are feeling.
I have no idea what I am doing – even if I look like I do. I’m making this up as I go along. I, along with my husband Jeff, are trying to raise 4 very different people and we are trying our best to navigate their personalities but we are flying by the seat of our pants most of the time. Each stage brings a new set of challenges – just when you get thru the infant stage and you feel like you can sleep again – then they enter HS and the sleepless nights return – and there is no perfect book or set of guidelines to cover everything you are encountering – the Bible gives us principles but applying those principles to each and every child can be confusing and daunting – parenting conference
Fun fact: Every time one of my kids would do something crazy in public – like scream and cry in the middle of Target – I would just tell passersby “We’re working on it” and keep on walking…
I’m scared and I wonder if anyone else feels like I do. I have never known the extent to which I needed God’s direction and guidance more than when I became a parent. I have never cried out to God in anger and tears and celebration as much as I have since I had kids.
I will never stop being a parent. What is happening in my children’s lives – no matter how old they are – will always affect me and concern me. It changes but the concern and care never ends.
*For the single parent - I feel alone. I am not walking this road but I know many that are – for many different reasons and I know that at times they desperately feel this.
And the most important phrase I want you to hear today is:
As a parent – I need help. I need you. All of you. I cannot do this by myself. And I don’t believe I am supposed to do this by myself.
What God calls us to as parents is too important to do alone.
We need you – the body of Christ – our community – to come around us and help us.
You see I believe God has a much bigger role for us as parents then we sometimes realize.
Yes – we are supposed to make sure the basic needs of those we care for are met. But our job is much bigger than that – if we have surrendered our lives to Christ and He has blessed us with children – our job is to introduce them to Him and help them find their calling – their destiny in His kingdom.
Children are a gift and they belong to God – so we must raise them up to be given back to God.
You can find beautiful examples of this in scripture – of parents – who knew their children were a gift to be raised to have impact for the kingdom
Hannah and her son Samuel
Look at 1 Samuel 1:27-28
27I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. 28Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life.” And they[a] worshiped the Lord there.
Zechariah and John the Baptist
Look at Luke 1:76-79
76“And you, my little son,
will be called the prophet of the Most High,
because you will prepare the way for the Lord.
77You will tell his people how to find salvation
through forgiveness of their sins.
78Because of God’s tender mercy,
the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,[a]
79to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
and to guide us to the path of peace.”
They get it.
Parents are called to move their children toward Jesus and His calling on their lives and in order to do this, we need help.
The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom and instructions. Many of them written by the King Solomon who was revered as a wise man.
The verse I want to look at in Proverbs is found in chapter 22 – and verse 6 – you can grab a bible or find it on our app. Let’s read it.
Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it.
I believe this verse is all about introducing your child/children to Jesus and helping them find the right path for their lives. Yes – it is about them growing in wisdom and faith and trust – but it is also about Moving them toward His calling on their lives. I like the New English translation as well
Train a child in the way that he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Train a child in the way HE/SHE should go – not how anyone else should go – but the perfect plan that God has specifically for them.
And if you train a child in this way – offering them surrender to Christ and a calling in His kingdom – they will not stray from it. I don’t believe this is a promise – but more of a cause and effect – if you do this then this should happen – it doesn’t always – there are some that stray from it – and this verse cannot be used as an indictment to parents who have children that have strayed. There are many amazing people that have done a wonderful job and their kids have strayed. But if you choose to not train them in the way they should go – then there is very little chance that they will find the right path and follow it. We are charged with training our children—no matter what happens afterward.
This verse can also be seen as a warning – to parents who choose not to move into their children’s lives and help them find God and His plan for their lives.
I don’t believe God gifted us with children so that we can make sure they are comfortable and successful and happy. Those things may happen too. But I truly believe God has called us – parents - to make disciples and launch them into His work.
Psalm 139:13-16New Living Translation (NLT)
13You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Jeremiah 29:11New Living Translation (NLT)
11For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Ephesians 2:10New Living Translation (NLT)
10For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Parents are called to move their children toward Jesus and His calling on their lives and in order to do this, we need help.
And that’s where you come in. It takes a village.
We parents cannot do it alone and I don’t think we are called to do it alone. I think we all have a responsibility for making sure this next generation and the ones that come after it find who they are in Jesus and what He has called them to – what is their destiny.
Look for a moment with me at 1 Corinthians 12:12-18
12The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles,[a] some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.[b]
14Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?
18But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19How strange a body would be if it had only one part! 20Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.
There are students and kids in this room and at Fishers and at N Indy that want to know where they fit in the body – am I an eye or an ear or maybe an elbow? - where they fit in God’s Kingdom and you can play a part in helping them figure that out. Look – let’s just say I’m the mouth – no comments please and my husband is the foot – well my kids need way more than just a mouth and a foot speaking into their lives. They need the eye and the arm and the hand and the nose. If they are going to figure out where they fit in God’s kingdom – they need way more than just me and their father.
I like the way it is put in Romans 12:4-5
4Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
We all belong to each other.
I love that – that’s why we are called sisters and brothers in Christ – because we all belong to each other – we are spiritual family.
I can teach my kids how to read - I can feed them - I can give them a home - I can make sure they have clothes to wear - I can even help them get better at sports or in school. But I cannot help them find their calling and their destiny by myself. Jeff and I together can't even do that. We need each other to make that happen. We are family this body Grace Church is family and it's time to start taking responsibility for each other. For our growth for our calling. And especially when looking at this next generation we are responsible for helping them figure out who they are in Jesus and what he has called them to do on this earth. No parent can do that by themselves.
And just an aside – I can feed and clothe my children but there are some that cannot – and we as their community are responsible for that as well. To make sure they are taken care of – our care center does an amazing job – but we as individuals are responsible as well.
And we are responsible for those that are parentless. I am so proud of my beautiful friends in this community that have adopted children both domestically and internationally. And my friends who are fostering children as well. As Christ followers, we are to take care of those that cannot take care of themselves. And we as Grace Church should rally around those parents who have chosen to do just that.
And for the single parents that you know – they have an extra burden – they are doing all of this on their own – we are called to invite them into our lives and provide support and encouragement for them.
Parents are called to move their children toward Jesus and His calling on their lives and in order to do this, we need help.
Parents – we are not enough for our kids. I am not enough for my kids. My husband is not enough. We are not perfect and our kids need other people’s perspectives. We need other people praying of us and supporting us. We’re scared and we don’t know what we’re doing and we need your help. And by the Grace of God – our children have had some amazing people invest in them over the years and to this day. Small group leaders and teachers and coaches and my friends and their friend’s parents who have supported us and prayed for us and moved into our lives and our kid’s lives.
Lauren
Jess
Mr. g
Caroline
Jess
Derrick
DeDe
Karly
Kristi
Sue
Keith
James
Papa Skins
Lindy
Pam
Amy
Hannah
Katie
Wendy
Brenda
Peggy
Lisa
Abby
Fun fact: I had to ask my kids to give me most of these names. It was a good exercise for them to think about all the people that have impacted them.
And this is by no means an exhaustive list. And as I list these names – my heart is bursting with joy at the beautiful people God has placed in our lives and they will be part of their journey toward Him and His calling. I literally could not do it without them.
Fun fact: I have 4 kids – Liza is 19 and a sophomore at Belmont University – Will is 16 and a junior at Carmel HS – Annie is 14 and a freshman at Carmel HS and Maggie is 10 and in 5th grade at Prairie Trace Elementary. And they are all really witty and funny.
Parents are called to move their children toward Jesus and His calling on their lives and in order to do this, we need help.
What are you going to do to be part of this? If you are an aunt or uncle or cousin or grandparent or any type of family to these kids and students – find ways to engage with them – invest in them. My grandmother had a huge impact on me. If you are a friend – how can you help – how can you pray? Look around this room – there are kids – there are students – they want your input.
Get involved in Grace Kids – Fuse – Merge – our student ministries.
Disciple a student.
Serve on a ministry team that kids and students serve on as well – outloud – student drama – student worship team – lead a small group in gk or student ministries and have a student or kid as your apprentice. – in the care center – go on a short-term mission’s trip
And what is so great is what you will get in return – you will gain so much for yourself by engaging with these kids and students – you can learn so much from them. They will minister to you.
You know when we do a production at Grace – we are very strategic about choosing shows that can use adults students and kids. The intergenerational aspect is very important – and I get to sit back and watch these amazing relationships between an older adult and a child or teenager develop. Older adults – don’t forget what Tim said last week about finishing well – by loving Jesus and loving others – connecting with the generations is a great way to do this.
Fun fact: When we did the Sound of Music in 2011 – Amy Snow, who played Maria, met with the kids that played the Von Trapp children every month for a year.
And for the teenagers in the room – you can start doing this now – start serving and investing in those that are younger than you. But the teenagers will only do it if we adults model it for them.
And parents and kids – kids – are you listening? Look for ways to engage your kids with other Christ followers – don’t wait for them to come to you – go to fuse – go to merge – engage in your gk small group – serve – make worship together weekends a priority.
Look we parents:
We don’t know what we’re doing – we’re scared and we feel alone.
What kind of impact can you have?
It’s funny because as I was preparing for this – I was in a meeting talking about Grace and how the church started and someone asked me why I came to Grace. And I said Dave Rod – our senior pastor – was my youth pastor and I would have followed him anywhere. And that’s because at age 16 he spoke into my life. He along with many other amazing Godly people – helped me find Jesus and my calling. I would not be here today if not for him.
Fun fact: I have known Dave Rod since I was 13 years old.
You can be that for someone – don’t wait.
God has blessed me with these 4 crazy amazing people – show pic -and in the blink of an eye it’s all going to be over – won’t you join me and all of the other parents in the room on the fantastic, difficult, exciting, tumultuous, incredible, exhausting, exhilarating journey?