Marriage is an emotional subject.
· for some it is tender subject eliciting great warmth and affection
· for some it is a sore subject dredging up hurts and old wounds
· for others it is a wistful subject reminding you of unmet longings
· for some it is a frightening subject provoking fears and questions
· and these days it’s even a controversial subject with political and ideological overtones.
Apparently marriage has always been a hot topic.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Marriage is neither heaven nor hell. It is simply purgatory. Abraham Lincoln (wonder how Mary Todd felt about that?)
Well, no matter how you feel about marriage one thing is for certain. Few social relationships have its level of impact.
Research is clear: there is an intimate link between marital status and personal well-being…morbidity rates…cures for cancer… fulfillment in sex…length of life…loneliness…ability to earn and save money
· marriage health affects physical health emotional health
· marriage health affects churches, communities, schools , businesses and corporations
· marriage health has a direct bearing on the state of the next generation.
· marriage health has a direct impact on our nation
A good marriage is a big deal.
I think you know this…don’t’ you? This is why for many of you working on your marriage has found its way into your beginning of the year resolutions. It is something you have got to give some energy to.
And that’s why we’ve included it in this series “I will…”
· This month we are focusing on those key areas of needed change in our lives.
· Next week: health and bodies, then families, then finances.
· Last week: our relationship with God. (please go back and watch if you missed)
But today let’s explore this commitment: I will get my marriage in order…
Let’s begin with a proposition :
A healthy marriage is worth everything you’ve got.
Now if you agree with that then let’s explore some sound advice from the Bible on the subject:
I Peter 4:7-11 page______________
· options: use house Bible or…download our new Grace Church app
o download from iTunes or Google Play – search “Grace Church Indiana”
o scripture, outline, place for notes, and much more
Back ground on this passage: this is not about marriage per se but about life in general for those who claimed to follow Jesus.
· author: Peter recipients: churches in NW Turkey
· emphasis on how to live when life was difficult and uncertain
When you hear it you’ll see right away that application to marriage.
7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:7-11
Remember my proposition?...
A healthy marriage is worth everything you’ve got.
Well…if you agree and are motivated you’re going to see what it’s going to take to restore your marriage to full health.
7 The end of all things is near. Therefore…
This first phrase sets the posture of a healthy marriage:
I will live with my spouse as if there is no tomorrow.
Peter and the people to whom he was writing believed this. They were living on edge expecting something to go down.
Why?
· In general things were dire…persecution, social turmoil and Roman Empire was on edge.
· Within a few years of writing this letter an apocalypse of sorts actually happened – Rome invaded Jerusalem and ended the longstanding practices of Judaism
· Jesus had actually prophesied this happening a few decades previous.
Peter was saying…live apocalyptically…live as if you may have no tomorrow. And I would suggest the same for you and your spouse.
I will live with my spouse as if there is no tomorrow.
· In one sense it’s actually true – you never know what might happen. the world is a volatile place as much now as in the first century.
· but in a general sense it is true, as well:
o time flies and before you know it you will be running out of tomorrows.
o ask any couple who had been married a while and they’ll tell you how fast time moves.
· so live apocalyptically…as if there may be no tomorrow.
And the rest of the passage is how to do just that…a series of mandates for living apocalyptically:
Vs 7 - be clear minded and self-controlled – lit. not drunk and exercise moderation
· implies being sharp and alert and not dulled and have margin in your life
· may I suggest a 21st century equivalent: Stop multi-tasking (the great brag of the age)
o Multi-tasking is killing marriages
§ we are drunk on data
§ blurred lines btw work and home – and have no margin!
§ a blurred lines btw social connectedness and personal relationship with spouse.
o Harvard study revealed that multi-tasking does not exist – It is instead, toggle tasking.
· so to be alert – shut off the phones and leave the work at work so you can be clear minded!
· And create margin for love and relationship
Vs. 7 – be prayerful
· this goes without saying but…draw a big circle around your marriage and pray for it. What do want to see it become? Stay in that circle until God answers!
Reminder: I will live with my spouse as if there is no tomorrow.
Here’s another mandate if that’s your desire…
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
· Love him or love her deeply - Let me show you what this word means (with a tautly stretched rope)
o to keep the rope taut requires constant effort and constant vigilance and constant togetherness
· And of course this love has very little to do with romance and everything to do with commitment and sacrifice. It is the daily application of the vow you made to one another.
o …for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health
· the fascinating result is the concealment (covers over) of sin
o Peter does not explain here but I have to think it implies forgiveness (which means no longer punishing- Matt 18 when Peter asked Jesus about forgivness)
Here’s another mandate:
Vs 9 - Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
Hospitality = fond of guests = be fine with the interruption
o open to changing your plans
o happy to meet their needs
Finally a series of mandates… reminder of the context:
I will live with my spouse as if there is no tomorrow.
10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others,
the series of mandates in the last 2 verses:
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:10-11
Notice the 3 mandates:
· use your gifts (with your spouse) , speak (to your spouse), serve (your spouse)
· but don’t miss what follows each:
o Use your gift …administering God's grace
o Speaks…as one speaking the very words of God.
o Serves…with the strength God provides
The clear implication is God is going to use you as His instrument in your spouse’s life.
· God will use the uniqueness and abilities of you to do something that only you could do in him or in her.
· Who knew that Tom Cruise was speaking theology when he said to Rene Zellweger – “you complete me”
Your spouse is a instrument of the grace of God to fill in the gaps in your life.
· The story of the cabinet door closer.
Let me speak personally:
· I forget names – Penny never does
· I am gray – Penny is black and white
· I can be overly exuberant – Penny is down to earth and practical
· I can be compulsive at times in spending and Penny has taught me thriftiness.
· I was a slob and utilitarian and Penny brought beauty and order into my life
Yes…she completes me and that is maybe the biggest way God has shaped me through the – going on - 37 years of marriage …so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:7-11
Does all this sound like an awful lot of work?
I will live with my spouse as if there is no tomorrow.
Clear-minded…self-controlled…completely out-stretched love…deep hospitality…using your unique God given abilities in your spouses life…
Man that is a lot of work. Yep. It is. A healthy marriage is worth everything you’ve got.