Some things about parenting are just plain true.
Truism #1 – Parenting is ridiculously hard.
Truism #2 - You desperately want the best for your child.
Truism #3 – Right now is the toughest time in history to be a parent.
Truism #4 - Our children are struggling.
Truism #5 – There is some bad parenting going on out there.
Despite all that we believe that…
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so, in this world, at this time in history, will require a new kind of parent.
There are 3 characteristics of this new kind of parent:
A new kind of parent trusts God.
A new kind of parent is personally healthy.
How does a parent get healthy?
· Prioritize your own health over that of your kids.
· Stop tying your personal wellbeing to the condition of your children.
· Commit to working on your health.
Ancient practices that breed healthy character and clear calling:
Healthy Character Clear Calling
The practice of surrender to God The practice of generosity
The practice of communion with God The practice of justice and mercy
The practice of moral integrity The practice of loving others
The practice of self-denial The practice of community
So now we get to the crux of the issue…the third characteristic of a new Kind of Parent is: A New Kind of Parent is a Discipler of their children.
Right away we’ve got a problem. “Discipler” is not a word
Disciple: from Latin discipulus, pupil or learner; One who embraces the teachings of another; an apprentice; a follower
So if that is the definition of a disciple then it follows that a Discipler: one who invites another to follow them, learn from them and become an apprentice of them.
Parent as discipler:
· A discipler parent is one who invites their child to follow them closely in living a life of character and calling.
· A discipler parent is one who personally engages in the essential practices of following Jesus, in full view of their child, and then invites the child to do the very same thing.
· A discipler parent is one who says to their child “follow me as I follow Jesus.”
Let me illustrate what I mean by inviting a child to help me onstage. (invite child on stage)
Here are some other postures parent take with their child to help develop them:
· Nurturer parent:
o Who stands behind their child
o They offer support and care
o I’m here for you!
· Cheerleader parent:
o Who stands beside their child
o they offer advice and encouragement
o You can do it!
· Teacher parent
o Who stands in front of their child
o They offer training and guidance
o Here’s what you should do!
These 3 postures are fine and necessary but I would suggest, incomplete. What your child needs is a discipler parent.
· Discipler parent
o Goes before you’re the child but with your child
o There are elements of nurture, cheerleading and teaching but most importantly example.
o They say to the child Follow me as I follow Jesus!
Discipler parent says watch what I do, listen to what I think, feel what I feel and then imitate me.
there are some crucial distinctions of this kind of parent:
Ø Close proximity to your child – it is a step by step process.
Ø Time (a never ending process that gets more important the older your children become)
Ø Intentionality
Here’s what some famous folk have said about this concept:
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. Robert Fulghum
· A discipler parent doesn’t worry if they are watching – they worry if they are NOT watching
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family
· A discipler parent is praying that this happens
A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher. Jesus
· This is the great hope of the discipler parent – their child will imitate their commitment to healthy character and calling
Fascinatingly at one time - 4000 years ago - this concept was not only practiced but was actually a part of the Hebrew law.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Deuteronomy – Moses restatement of the law of God for Israel
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9
4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9
V4 - Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
· "the Shema" – the crux of the law
V6 - These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.
· upon your hearts = at the core of who you are… a defining truth…
V7 - Impress them on your children.
· Impress = the root of this word had 2 emphases: sharpen and repeat
o Sharpen your kids by repeating this over and over
V7 – 8 - Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
· you are to have conversations about this all day wherever you go and whatever you do. It’s a picture of discipling.
· this stuff should be a part of everyday life.
Now let’s get practical…how do you do this on a day to day basis?
Remember last week:
Ø Two essential aspects of personal health: What you are inside and what you do with your life. Healthy Character and Clear Calling
Ø There are some key ancient practices that will get us there:
Healthy Character Clear Calling
The practice of surrender to God The practice of generosity
The practice of communion with God The practice of justice and mercy
The practice of moral integrity The practice of loving others
The practice of self-denial The practice of community
It is those very same aspects of personal health that you want to breed into your children by discipling them:
This week – discipling your child in healthy character - Next week – discipling your child in healthy /clear calling.
1. A parent will disciple their child in healthy character when they show them how to surrender to God.
Ø for toddlers:
o be trustworthy – model God’s trust
§ trust is the very first stage in a soul’s development
§ be there when you say you will be there
§ be available when they need you
o pray with them but also pray around them – talk to God when they are near you.
o Create a “God-Shelf”. Write down the worries your children carry on a piece of paper, then slip it up on the shelf.Review them later.
· for children:
o in addition to those ideas…
o Reading through books or watching the movies of the Chronicles of Narnia and discussing with them the allegories.
o Tell your own spiritual story to your kids (I love it when my parents tell stories from their past)
o If you have not been baptized, take the steps necessary to do so. And let your kids watch
o Take communion in the presence of your child - Gain an understanding of why you partake of communion.
· for teenagers:
o in addition to the ideas already mentioned.
o encourage a prayer journal and let them see yours
o read other good books with them – you know what your child is able to handle
o talk about the times you doubted and why
2. A parent will disciple their child in healthy character when they show them how to commune with God
For time sake I will summarize ideas that you can use in age appropriate ways. For all age kids:
· Model breath prayers out loud.
· Sing worship songs together
· Practice a Sabbath together as a family
· God to church regularly – it is how this family rolls.
· Read portions of the bible together
· Let the kids know you have a time set aside with God (as they get older enforce the fact that you are not to be interrupted)
· introduce them to journaling and show them yours
· take a retreat together to spend time with God
3. A parent will disciple their child in healthy character when they show them how to practice moral integrity.
· never lie - no calling in sick or calling them in sick when you are not
· remain celibate if you are a single parent
· be quick to say you are sorry to your child
· don’t be mean or condescending to others esp. those who are serving you.
· monitor and model what your family take in with media. Set accountability filters (on devices)
· do not let them hear you gossip about other people
· discuss families core values / write them out
· have standards of alcohol consumption and set limits for yourself and them
4. A parent will disciple their child in healthy character when they show them how to practice self-denial
· let them see you putting others first (grocery store)
· moderate your anger driving especially when they are in the car.
· Model moderation in eating
· discuss the difference between needs and wants as a family
· Observe lent together
· Practice fasting together as a family: food/technology/media
· Change gift giving practices on birthdays or holidays
Story of one mom’s decision this past week – read her email…
Last Sunday, I was convicted of my distractibility during the day with my email, to not check email until the kids were in bed. I also wanted to try to not turn the computer on unless we needed it for school. There was one afternoon that I needed to check for a specific message but I was able to hold to it and what a difference it made!!! I felt much more able to focus and to engage throughout the entire day with everyone and I did not feel pulled to the computer like I did before.
(add her follow up)
I think this young mom is living out the 21st century version of Deut 6: These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so, in this world, at this time in history, will require a new kind of parent. And that new kind of parent is a discipler of their children.