Let’s change the question… What are your children learning from you that they will choose to integrate into their lives? How far will the apple fall from the tree?
Does that give you some anxiety? It should. What glorious attributes will you pass down to your child? And what horrible chains might you shackle them to?
There’s no getting around it…parenting isn’t for cowards. It’s a tough business.
Truism #1 – Parenting is ridiculously hard.
…this despite the fact that…
Truism #2 - You desperately want the best for your child.
…and what compounds that desperation is the fact that…
Truism #3 – Right now is the toughest time in history to be a parent.
Chronic anxious, Constantly distracted, Relationally isolated, Spiritually casual - the result…
Truism #4 - Our children are struggling.
They are experiencing trending issues in time pressures, mental and emotional health, harm, brokenness of all kinds
And in the middle of this desperate struggle…
Truism #5 – There is some bad parenting going on out there.
…Helicopter parents who smother and CEO parents who push for compliance, distracted who are haphazard and idolaters who turn their kids into immortality symbols.
Now…despite all that... I believe…
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so, in this world, at this time in history, will require a new kind of parent.
And that is why we are here! To begin the re-invention of yourself as a parent. We’re looking at the characteristics of a New Kind of Parent.
A new kind of parent trusts God.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Acknowledge the limits of your own intelligence and prowess and surrender your kids, you family and your life to the God of the universe.
A second characteristic of a new Kind of Parent:
A new kind of parent is personally healthy.
Another way to say it: A new kind of parent exudes a transformed and transforming presence. Your presence represents maturity, integrity and steadiness and health.
Are you healthy? Do you have a healthy body? a healthy mind? healthy relationships, a healthy calling, do you have a healthy soul?
When parents lose their souls so do the families they lead. (adapted from Ruth Haley Barton)
Losing your soul is like losing a credit card. You think it’s in your wallet so you don’t give it much thought until one day you reach for it and can’t find it. Ruth Haley Barton
Some of you have lost your souls and you aren’t even aware that it is missing
Now this makes sense doesn’t it… that your personal healthy is crucial- right?
“Children rarely succeed in rising above the maturity level of their parents.” Edwin Friedman Failure of Nerve
- If you are not healthy neither will be your children
- If you have lost your soul then don’t be surprised when your children do.
A new kind of parent is personally healthy.
How does a parent get healthy?
1. Prioritize your own health over that of your kids
o I’m not saying to neglect your kids health! but you must 1st make sure you are healthy!
o IL – airplane and the face mask
2. Stop tying your personal wellbeing to the condition of your children
o You are different from your child. And you must remember that.
o You must adopt this posture - “my health and well being will not be tied to that of my kids”
“The children who work through the natural problems of maturing with the least amount of emotional or physical residue are those whose parents have made them least important to their own salvation.” Edwin Friedman, Failure of Nerve
Here is a fact: Children are moral free agents – they will choose poorly and will at times shipwreck themselves.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Proverbs 22:15
The child who acts foolishly needs a parent who is healthy and differentiated from them if the child has any hope of rescue.
If you have a hope of seeing them repent and turn home – get healthy now and do not tie your wellbeing and salvation to their success.
How does a parent get healthy?
1. Prioritize your own health over that of your kids
2. Stop tying your personal wellbeing to the condition of your children.
3. Commit to working on your health.
The rest of our time I’d like to give to a road map to health. Nothing new here…remind you of some ancient practices that have been around for 2000 years that when practiced develop Healthy Character and Clear Calling
Two essential aspects of personal health: What you are inside and what you do with your life.
Healthy Character Clear Calling
The practice of surrender to God The practice of generosity
The practice of communion with God The practice of justice and mercy
The practice of moral integrity The practice of loving others
The practice of self-denial the practice of community
Warning: stay engaged as I briefly touch on each practice. We will return to these the final two weeks of the series.
The practice of surrender to God
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
I’m not talking about a spiritual touch up or adjustment…you need a total makeover that starts with surrender.
You must start your life all over again Jesus, John 3:7
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
The practice of communion with God
If you are going to be healthy in a chronically anxious and constantly distracted world you must…"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
I know what you’re thinking…”do you have any idea how hard this is?”
Sorry but this is not optional. The spiritual law of gravity ensures that the chaos of the human soul will settle if it sits still long enough. Ruth Haley Barton
You must sit still long enough with God regularly.
Solitude Silence Prayer Scripture
If not daily then…weekly?...monthly? Your health rides on it. As it rides on…
The practice of moral integrity
Stop telling lies. Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, harsh words, and slander. Ephesians 4:25ff
Put to death sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed. Colossians 3:5
Do I need to explain how crucial this is to your health? We’ll unpack this one further next week.
The practice of self-denial
This concept is about as counter cultural as you will get in 21st century suburban America. the unofficial motto of Hamilton County is “Have what you want and do what you want because you deserve it.” We treat it as an inalienable right.
At one time in America self-denial was a virtue that the great people of our community followed. Today we deny ourselves very little and we are turning our kids into masters of acquisition.
Was Jesus thinking of 21st Century America when he said…"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:23-25
It is one of the great ironies of following Jesus – you want to be healthy?…you have to die.
Healthy Character Clear Calling
The practice of surrender to God The practice of generosity
The practice of communion with God The practice of justice and mercy
The practice of moral integrity The practice of loving others
The practice of self-denial The practice of community
Health is not just defined by what we are inside but also by what we do with our lives…how we pursue our calling.
Never forget this about yourself: You are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for you to do. Ephesians 2:10
Before you were born God had designs on your life. He made you to do stuff that will restore this world to his original intentions.
You are not healthy if you are just living for advancement, money, retirement or the weekend. You are healthy when you are living into God’s purposes for your life. Here are some ways to do that:
The practice of material generosity
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:6-7
Are you generous with what you been blessed? We’ll talk more the last week of the series about this but here are 3 key decisions that will lead to generosity.
1. I choose to believe that God owns it all.
2. I choose to live more simply.
3. I choose to get out of debt.
Those are healthy decisions.
The practice of justice and mercy
Let me tell you a story: 31 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' 37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' 41 "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' 44 "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' 45 "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' 46 "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." Matthew 25:31-46
A healthy person cares for the least among us.
The practice of loving others
Of course this includes everyone around us but let me zero in on the most crucial relationship – your spouse. A healthy parent is in love with their spouse.
A healthy parent is patient, kind, always protects, trusts and hopes… And if that does not characterize your relationship with your spouse then get on it – now.
Your children’s lives depend on it.
The practice of community
Personal health is never found in isolation.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
Who knows you? Who are your pall bearers? Who prays for you when you can’t? Who will be there when the bottom falls out? Who celebrates with you your greatest achievements? Who kicks you in the behind when you’re being a jerk?
Personal health is never found in isolation. You need community.
And…we’ve got that for you here at Grace. Group Connect.
A new kind of parent is personally healthy.
How does a parent get healthy?
1. Prioritize your own health over that of your kids.
2. Stop tying your personal wellbeing to the condition of your children.
3. Commit to working on your health.
You worn out? Sure you are. Parenting is not for cowards. It will cost you your life.
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so, in this world, at this time in history, will require a new kind of parent.
Next week we unveil the final characteristic of a new kind of Parent – perhaps the heart of the issue.