We are in the third week of our All In the Family series, and in this series we are taking a look at 6 different, unique life stages, stages which are all found here in our church family, by the way, and what we’re hoping is that during these 6 weeks God’s Spirit will give us the wisdom and direction that helps us live in unity both as individual families and as a church family. In the first week of our series Barry talked about God’s call to husbands to ‘love their wives as Christ loves the church.’ And last week, in a very powerful message, Maron spoke to parents about how, in these difficult and ever-changing days, God wants parents to lead and love their children into a firm foundation in Jesus. If you haven’t heard either of these wonderful sermons, please find the time.
This week I’ve been asked to speak about the ways that we of the older generation can walk in mutual respect with those in our spiritual family who are younger. Now, I must start by acknowledging that who is a member of an older generation is a matter of perspective. My father is 91 and a Grace attender and to me he is a member of an older and very different generation. And yet to middle-schoolers in our Fuse ministry, if you are over 28, you are elderly. One thing that I know is true though, is that every older generation in human history has shaken their heads and bemoaned ‘the kids these days!’ Here are 2 quotes I’m sure will resonate with many older folks. ‘I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words… when I was young we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient when there is any restraint on their behavior.’ That was Hesiod, a Greek poet, who lived around 700 BC. Here's another. ‘The world is passing through troublesome times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they know that all that is wisdom with us is foolishness with them. And as for the girls, they are forward, immodest, and unladylike in dress.’ That’s from the well-known pastor and teacher, Peter the Hermit, from a sermon he gave in 1090 AD. Older people discounting the young has always been with us… but I must say this, I’m not certain that there has ever been a culture, and I’m speaking of today’s American, western culture, that has had such a deep and profound disregard for older generations. We are a culture that so worships youth that it has become acceptable to discount anyone who is a generation or two older as unable to function in or figure out our modern world. And it is into this context, a context of generational polarity, or often, even generational enmity, that we’ve been called to demonstrate that through Jesus there is another way to live. And so today we will be looking at a passage that I believe can give those of us who are older some guidance that can lead to all generations within the body of Christ respecting one another and working together to bring healing to our very broken world.
Today’s passage is found in Titus 2:1-5. Page ??? Titus is one of the short letters written by the Apostle Paul and sadly, it is also one of the Bible’s books that we rarely look at in any depth… and I feel it’s a shame that Titus is one of the ‘also-ran’ of Paul’s letters because this short letter packs a punch, specifically about generational unity and responsibility. And to get the complete ‘punch’ of this letter we need to start with some of the background. Paul starts his letter by saying something like, ‘Titus, you know this already, but I’m an apostle and a servant of Jesus, and I’ve been sent out with the message that through faith in Jesus everyone can have eternal life!’ And then he says, ‘I’m writing specifically to you, Titus, because I consider you my true son in the faith.’ Paul calling Titus his ‘true son’ tells us that Paul really trusted younger Titus! In fact, Titus is mentioned 12 times in the New Testament and almost every time it’s because Paul had given Titus some difficult task… and this time was no exception. Paul says, ‘I left you in Crete so you could straighten out what was left unfinished… that being appointing elders in each city.’ Paul leaving Titus on the Greek island of Crete wasn’t a particularly pleasant thing… for a number of reasons! First, Crete was called the island of a hundred cities, ‘cities’ that dotted the entire coast of this large, mountainous island. We don’t know for certain who first evangelized this island or how many of these ‘hundred cities’ had churches that needed elders. But Titus finding leaders for however many city churches Paul felt needed elders was certainly a huge, timely task. Plus, the people of Crete had a terrible reputation and from all accounts it was a reputation that had been honestly earned! There was a word in the Greek language… Cretzo… which literally meant ‘to play the Cretan,’ but if you were playing the Creaton it meant you were lying! Crete’s primary export was mercenary soldiers and sailors… soldiers and sailors who were known to be without any principles. Cretans were considered by the wider Greek world to be lying, overdrinking, gluttonous, untrustworthy, deceiving, lowlifes. Why, Paul, in this letter to Titus, when talking about some rebellious people from Crete even quotes one of Crete’s own philosophers, in chapter 1 verse 12 saying, ‘The people of Crete are all liars, cruel animals and lazy gluttons.’ And it’s into this world that Paul had left Titus to find leaders for the Crete’s new churches! Can you imagine being Titus and having to find and appoint elders from among people who, as Cicero, the great first-century Roman poet and politician said, ‘considered highway robbery honorable.’
So, let’s look at what Paul said to Titus when he turned to talking about older people. Titus 2:1. As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. This, by the way, was a command! ‘Promote’ is okay, but ‘preach it’ or ‘speak forcefully’ would be better! And here is what Paul commanded Titus is to do: Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. The literal Greek reads like this: ‘Older men are to be temperate, dignified and sensible… they are to be sound in faith, love and in endurance.’ Temperate or ‘exercising self-control’ comes from the word ne-fa-lay-os) and while it does mean ‘not being drunk,’ it also means to be careful and clear-headed. Paul must have believed there was a lot of fuzzyheaded, possibly even drunken, thinking going on… and I can see why our house Bible says, ‘exercise self-control.’ You see, ne-fa-lay-os) can speak to all sorts of self-control; everything from drinking and being a glutton to running your mouth. And it makes sense that Paul would start here with older men; older men, if we want to be respected then being careful and clear-headed and exercising self-control, especially in how we talk to others, is a great place to start.
Paul then says that Titus is to teach older men to be ‘worthy of respect.’ The word he uses here is and it means to be dignified… honorable… noble… serious-minded… all things that add up to being worthy of respect. We live at a time when it seems that saying or doing whatever we feel, at any given time, is our right. I’m thinking that there must have been a lot of undignified, dishonorable older men in Crete. Otherwise, Paul wouldn’t have needed to tell Titus to tell older men, in no uncertain terms, that they needed to be dignified and honorable. There is an old saying my father used to say often during my youth, ‘It’s better to be silent and thought a fool than to open you mount and remove all doubt.’ My experience is that younger people are drawn to those who are dignified… who carry themselves with honor and treat everyone, no matter how old they may be, with equal dignity and honor.
Then Paul says, ‘Live wisely.’ The Greek word that gives us this idea is a synonym of the word Paul used earlier to say that we older men should stay clear-headed. The word is (sofron)ne of the primary principles of studying the Bible is if an author says the exact same thing twice, he meant for you to take notice… that this is something important! And being temperate, being sober, self-controlled and discreet must be really important. Homer, the famous, ancient Greek poet said that these two synonyms ne-fa-lay-os) and both implied that you ‘curb your desires and impulses so that you will be a safe person for others.’ I can see why that would be important enough for Paul to say to older men in two ways!
Then Paul tells Titus to teach older men that we are to be sound in faith, in love, and in patience. First, the word that give us ‘sound’ means having a healthy inner life and a healthy mind. Paul’s point is that if we older men are to be respected by those who are younger and are certainly looking at our lives, we must have a healthy trust in in God, we must have a healthy love for others and we must have a healthy patience with everyone. I think I could spend an entire series just talking about what it looks like to live with healthy faith, healthy love and healthy patience. But to cut to the chase, I can say without reservation that when I have met older men who had a faith that made sense no matter what the circumstances, who showed a love for others that didn’t demand anything in return and were patient with those of all stages of life, I couldn’t help but respect them. I was drawn to them because they were safe. I’m just saying.
Then in verse 3 Paul shifts to older women… literally ‘aged women,’ though we can’t be certain exactly what age Paul considered to be ‘aged.’ My bet, though, is that ‘aged’ was self-evident to Titus. And look at what he says, Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. Okay, that’s a lot! Our house Bible is exactly right when it says older women should be living a way that honors God. But Paul doesn’t expand on that. Instead, Paul lists a couple of things that older women shouldn’t be doing… things that clearly don’t honor God… and the first is ‘being a slanderer.’ The Greek word that gives us ‘a slanderer’ is the word and it means to be a malicious gossip, someone who falsely smears someone’s character. It’s a word that has come to be a name for the devil in some languages. And as terrible as it sounds, some, or maybe even many, older, aged women, grandmothers and great grandmothers must have had reputations in Crete as malicious gossips. Otherwise, Paul wouldn’t have listed it first. I’m sure some of you have had a grandmother or a great aunt or some older woman in the family that was, or is, a malicious gossip. And my bet is you didn’t or don’t respect her.
Next Paul says, ‘you must not be heavy drinkers.’ This was a cultural issue. Women were essentially sequestered in their homes and unable to leave without a male family member. And all the family’s supplies, one of which was almost always a good supply of wine, were kept within the confines of the home. This meant that wine was available to women pretty much 24-7. Often, being heavy drinkers, or as the Greek says, ‘slaves to wine’ came from boredom and availability. Still, I think we understand why being an older woman who is a heavy drinker wouldn’t honor God.
Then Paul says older women should ‘teach others what is good’… and to say this he uses a word that he made up: Kal-od-id-as-kalos. There must not have been a good enough word in Greek that said, ‘teach others virtuous and valuable things,’ but we have one now! And to be sure we know what he meant by this made up word Kal-od-id-as-kalos, Paul then outlines what these virtuous, good things older women should be teaching. And the first thing Paul lists is this: ‘These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.’ This command grows out of another ancient, cultural circumstance. Almost all marriages were business arrangements between fathers. Also, almost all brides were 13-14 (at the oldest) and most wives were only valuable for bringing multiple babies into the groom’s family. One can see how a young mother of many children, stuck in the home of her husband’s family, with little or no life beyond what was essentially servitude to a man she’d been paired with by her father might have trouble loving her husband and possibly even her many children. Paul was obviously aware that young Christian women loving their husbands and children would be considered beyond the expectations of the secular culture. Obedience was expected, but loving, not so much. Showing love, and Paul uses a word here that speaks of deep, heartfelt affection, showing love to one’s husband and children in this way, was a step further than almost anyone expected, and it was certain to draw outsiders to Jesus. I can’t think of any one-to-one with this situation in our culture, but I do know that the best way for older women to teach younger women to love in this way is to continually live out this kind of self-giving love in their own marriages. By the way, Paul also made up the Greek words he used to say, ‘loving your husband’ and ‘loving your children.’ Again, there weren’t words strong enough in the Greek language to say how important this was to Paul… and again, he made the words up to get our attention!
Then Paul lists some virtues he wants Titus to tell older women to teach to younger women and the first is the same virtue he’d earlier told older men and women else to live out: our house bible says, ‘to live wisely,’ but the actual word means: be sober. We’ve already talked a lot about the importance of clear-headedness twice. Apparently, this ‘being sober’ stuff was really important to Paul! And then he says that older women should teach younger women to be ‘pure.’ Now this word literally means to be ‘clean’ as in ‘thoroughly washed until spotless,’ but it was regularly used figuratively to say someone was modest and virtuous. And again, any older woman teaching younger women to be modest and virtuous would necessarily have to live this sort of life to have any credibility. I think we all understand this as well.
And then Paul lists 3 things that rub us the wrong way in 2024: older women are to teach younger women to be workers in their own homes, to be good, again, as in virtuous, (but this word also has the implication of being beautiful), and finally to be subject to their own husbands. Once again, we are dealing with their cultural expectations, and as hard as it is to avoid, it would be inappropriate to impose today’s cultural givens on their world. We just have to admit that Paul wouldn’t have said these things are important if there hadn’t been something shameful about women not working in their homes, not being virtuous and refusing to be subject to their husbands… in fact, Paul says being shameful in these ways in their world would bring shame on the word of God. We don’t have time to ferret out all of this today, plus, our subject today isn’t why younger women in first century Crete should live this way. That’s for another time. Our subject for today is how might we as older people live in such a way that we, the body of Christ, can show the world that there is another way for different generations to live together. And the bottom line, fellow older folks, is that all of Paul’s admonitions point to us living in such a way that we are quickly recognized as being clear-headed, self-controlled, dignified people who afford others great patience, treat everyone with kindness and live out what are considered in the wider culture, the finest of lives. Let’s not forget that Titus had to minister in a land of lowlifes and the churches there must have been suffering from the influence of ‘lowlife-ness;’ these churches needed leaders who could be trusted to live fully for Jesus. We live at a time where the wider culture is pigheaded, self-centered and undignified; where people feel nothing is wrong with condescending to others and being cruel is often viewed as a virtue. And the church suffers from this… and we older folks can be a source for healing if we are willing to take Paul and Titus at their word and start proactively working towards being the kind of people that bring safety and healing into our relationships… and we do this by staying clearheaded and thinking before speaking… by listening rather than pontificating… by showing humility rather than arrogance and living out the kind of love that gives without expecting anything in return. I know it can be difficult when it seems everyone younger has lost their minds and their direction. But what has been true forever and what will always be true, no matter what happens in the world, is this: younger people long to see older people living well… it gives them hope and direction. And they also long to share their lives with those of us older folk, who simply by the way we treat our younger brothers and sisters, show them the love of Jesus. I know over the years my life has been tremendously influence by older people who have shown me the love of Jesus… and I am particularly aware of this as I’m now planning to retire at the end of this year… I’ve been here at Grace since the very first day… and I can tell that it is time to fully turn the reigns of leadership over to the coming generation… and I can say without hesitation that the coming generation here at Grace is more than ready to lead this church into the next chapters of what God has in store for all of us… they are humble and prayerful and clear-headed and I have seen first-hand that they live out the values of Grace. I have also been thinking about my legacy here at Grace and the older people who have given me hope and direction over the years… people like my father, who has shown me that great heart change is always possible; or by people like Ron and Judy Bowman who never once, from 1959 until the last days of their lives in the early 2020’s, said a single word to me that wasn’t kind, caring and affirming; or people like Roger and Mary Newton and Gordon and Kathrine Bell two older couples who never said one word to Jennifer and me about our marriage, but taught us what love really looks like for decades simply by loving one another well… and my great hope for us, we of today’s older generations, is this: that our lives will be so colored by the graces that Paul lists in his letter to Titus that our names will not only be on multitudes of younger people’s lists of those that are bringing unity and hope into their lives, but that in the process we will bring much honor to the word of God.