Being single in the Church today is not for the faint of heart.
I got married when I was 34 years old. Which means that I spent my entire adult life to that point as a single man. And I’ve just got to say… it was kind of the worst.
Not because I wanted to get married (although I did). No. It was the worst because everybody else wanted me to get married.
I was a pastor’s kid in the evangelical Church and everybody was all up in my business all the time.
“Barry are you seeing anybody?”
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“I’m going to set you up with my cousin… she’s really nice. And single.”
Wow… single and nice. That’s everything I’m looking for in a woman.
There was even a moment when I was first being considered as a possible candidate to become senior pastor, where the governing board was interviewing me and an elder asked, “So, Barry. Do you have the gift of celibacy?”
My response was, “I sure hope not!”
The point is, my love life for over a decade was everybody’s business, whether I liked it or not. And I can laugh about it now, but back then I often felt kind of cursed because of it.
Being single in the church, or in our suburban, relationship-obsessed society in general, is a difficult place to be.
And I’m a guy. I didn’t have people talking to me about my “ticking biological clock” or making jokes about me becoming an old spinster. It’s even harder if you are a single woman.
The truth is, if you are single or single again, it can be an incredibly isolating, painful, frustrating experience. So much of our culture revolves around being married (or getting married, right? The wedding industry is crazy)…
In our context - even in the Church - it can feel like you are broken or incomplete if you’re alone.
But what if it’s not meant to be that way? What if singleness in the Church is not a curse at all?
What if singleness is a gift?
SERIES RECAP
Well, that is what we’re talking about today as we conclude our series, “All in the Family.”
We’ve been listening for God’s invitation to different members of this big church family of ours. To husbands and to wives. To children and to parents. To elders, and today, our final week, to singles.
So let’s dive in and hear what God’s invitation is to those who are single or single again at Grace Church.
[PRAY]
THE PRESENT CRISIS
Please turn with me to 1 Corinthians 7:25, Page ______.
Before we read, let me give you just a little bit of context. Corinth was a wealthy and influential Roman city in Greece and the Church there was started by the Apostle Paul.
Paul lived in Corinth for a year and a half or so starting in 50 AD, and then he left to spend time across the Aegean Sea in Ephesus.
While he was in Ephesus, a delegation came from the Corinthian church with a whole bunch of follow-up questions for Paul. About eating food sacrificed to idols, about spiritual gifts, and about sex and marriage. That’s what chapter 7 is all about.
When we come to verse 25, Paul addresses a question they have about single people in the Church. Let’s read.
1 Corinthians 7:25-28
Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.
We’ll stop there for a moment.
Paul is saying here that from his perspective it is better for people to remain how they are. Married people should stay married. Single people should stay single.
Why would he say that? Well, look at verse 26. Paul says you should remain as you are, “because of the present crisis.”
So let’s talk about what he means. The word for “crisis” in Greek is anankē - distress, trial, affliction
But it also carries with it the meaning of necessity or compulsion. Something you are required to endure. You don’t have a choice. Here’s how he uses the word in a couple of other places:
1 Thessalonians 3:7
So we have been greatly encouraged in the midst of our troubles (anankē) and suffering, dear brothers and sisters, because you have remained strong in your faith.
2 Corinthians 12:10
That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships (anankē), persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So “anankē” is a hardship you have to get through. It’s associated with suffering. It’s a crisis.
So what crisis is Paul talking about? Well, scholars debate this.
Some say he’s talking about the end of the world. In other words, Paul assumes that things are about to come to a fiery end, that Christ is about to return, and that New Creation is about to begin.
But before that can happen, the Church is going to suffer a lot. So, don’t get divorced or married because there’s no time. We have to prepare for the end.
That could be it, but there’s also a much more practical possibility.
In the 40’s and 50’s AD, there were a number of significant grain shortages and famines across the Roman world. Even in Egypt, the breadbasket of the Mediterranean, there was a shortage of food.
Specifically, we know that in AD 51, right after Paul left Corinth for Ephesus, there was crop failure in Greece.
Now, in the ancient world, famines were a massive problem, especially for people living in a big city like Corinth. Because they relied entirely on grain shipments from outside.
If those dried up, the people starved, fast. There was unrest. Riots in the street. Imagine living in a place like Haiti today, and you can get a sense of the kind of chaos they’d be facing.
So it’s very likely that the Church in Corinth was facing a crisis of famine. Of violence in the streets. And that could be the anankē Paul is referencing.
Now, I think it’s possible that both of these theories are true. There was a famine. And riots. Possibly persecution of Christians. We also know there was an earthquake in Corinth around this time. I bet it felt like the end of the world.
So you get the context here. Paul says, verse 28, “those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.”
SERVING THE LORD
So ok, how does staying single spare you problems? Well, he elaborates further in verse 32. Let’s keep reading.
1 Corinthians 7:32-40
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible… A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this.
So. Paul says he thinks it’s better to stay single. Back in verse 7 Paul says, “I wish everyone were single, just as I am.”
Now, this seems like a pretty extreme thing to say. Especially in a book like the Bible that talks so much about marriage and families and children.
But with the backdrop of a grain shortage and apocalyptic chaos in the streets, Paul’s argument here makes perfect sense. Verse 32: “I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.”
Think about it. A married man in the first century had to think about his earthly responsibilities. Finding food for his wife and kids in a time of grain shortages, focusing on work and profit and the survival of his family even as gangs are roaming the streets…
As a single man he can focus entirely on serving the Lord. If he goes a bit hungry in his devotion, so be it.
Similarly, an unmarried woman is already being cared for by her father and family. By getting married in a time of crisis, she and her new husband are now in a sink-or-swim situation.
He needs a job. She might get pregnant, leading to even more mouths to feed. If she remains single, however, she can devote herself to the Lord.
Paul is concerned first and foremost with the health of the Church. He wants the gospel to spread and take root in Corinth. As the city struggles through this awful time, Paul believes it is single Christ-followers who can most fully devote themselves to that mission.
Verse 35. “I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”
So does this mean that Paul is saying all Christians of all times should be single?
No. Even in verse 9 he says look, I’m not naive.
1 Corinthians 7:9
It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.
If being single is going to lead you into sin, then by all means, get married.
1 Corinthians 7:7
But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
Right now, the unmarried in Corinth are a gift to the Church because you can offer something that married Christians don’t have the capacity for right now: the ability to serve the Lord with your full attention.
Here’s why this matters. Even though this is very culturally specific message for ancient Corinth, it points to a broader truth:
Being a single Christian is not a curse. In fact, Singleness can be a gift to Church. Especially when times are tough…
A GIFT TO THE CHURCH
So that’s the “big idea” for 1 Corinthians 7… let’s apply this to today.
In Hamilton County in 2024 we are not facing famine or widespread violence in the streets.
And yet as a church we are living in the midst of a different kind of crisis. A different kind of anankē that we have to endure.
• We’re facing a mental health crisis.
• The opioid epidemic.
• The tribalistic fracturing of our society.
• Income inequality that gets worse every day.
• Racism. Sexism. Ableism.
• Environmental decay and climate change.
• Shocking rates of suicide among young people.
• All while church involvement is dropping fast.
If what matters is the health of Christ’s Church, the healing of broken lives, and the flourishing of the gospel message, then all of this is our “present crisis.”
And I think, like Paul, that in this crazy time, single people can be a gift to this church. Whether that singleness is for a season or for a lifetime.
And I know that’s true because it was true for me…
Back when I was single and running my non-profit, I had the freedom to travel around the world. [images: single 1-2] I could take risks. I could live on a tiny salary. I could devote myself to God’s kingdom mission with as few distractions as possible. It was a gift to be single.
Now that I’m married, [images: married 1-3] I am still wholeheartedly devoted to serving God, but I am also dedicated to caring for my wife. I don’t take the kinds of risks I used to. We’re homeowners, which brings its own cascade of concerns and expenses.
We’ve got mouths to feed. Now, they may be potbelly pigs and chickens and rabbits and dogs, but these creatures depend on us. My responsibilities are broadened.
Now, I say all that, but it’s also amazing waking up every day next to my best friend, and sharing a purpose and a mission, and being in love. It’s awesome.
My point is this: as Paul says, “Each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.” It is a gift to be married. But it was also a gift to be single. I could spend all my time and energy doing the Lord’s work.
That’s how I know that Singleness can be a gift to the Church. Even today.
Our “crisis” is very different than that of ancient Corinth, but Paul’s words still ring true.
TO THE SINGLE
That’s what I believe is God’s invitation to the single people here at Grace. Our world is a mess and it needs the Church more than ever. If you are single, or single again, I think God is inviting you to see your singleness not as a curse, but as a gift.
To realize that you have something unique to offer God that married people don’t. You are a gift to Grace.
So with that said, I want to speak from my heart for a moment and just say a few final words to those of you who are single.
First, I want you to hear that:
You are complete in Christ.
What I mean is, your identity in Jesus does not need another person to make it whole. No. You are an image-bearer of God, a child of the Creator, and your value lies in who he says you are.
I know our culture relentlessly drills into your head that you are only a partial person until you find your “one.” “You complete me!” But I think that’s a lie.
If you are single, what matters is devoting yourself to becoming the masterpiece God has created you to be. Living into your purpose “with as few distractions as possible,” as Paul says.
Let Christ define your identity. Find your completeness in him.
And then if you do get married, your spouse doesn’t have to fill that role. They can become partners with you as two people complete in Christ becoming one in the mission of God. More than the sum of your parts.
You are complete in Christ. And you’re not going to hear me asking you about your dating life. Because you are a gift just as you are. Second,
You belong in this family.
If we believe that singleness is not a curse, then the Church, of all places, should be where single people find community and intimacy and belonging. And that can’t happen if everything we do revolves around married couples.
Which is why I and the other pastors here are so dedicated to creating intergenerational community. Where singles and couples can be in each other’s lives. Where widows and widowers are invited in to families. Where divorcées can find healing.
One of the greatest gifts of my time as a single man was the small group I was a part of. It was mostly made up of married couples, but they invited me in. I became Uncle Barry to their kids.
I could serve them in unique ways because of my singleness, and they could provide a place for me to belong.
If you are single, I want you to know that you belong in this family. You are a gift to this Church. I want you to have the experience I did.
I know it’s a terrifying thing to do, but if you need community, start asking around. And this church family will open our doors and invite you in. Won’t we?
Finally, I want you to remember that
You have so much to offer.
As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, “An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him… [An unmarried woman] can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit.”
If you are single or single again, you are a gift to this community. And I don’t want you to squander that gift by staying on the margins.
You have so much to offer. So get in the game.
All through this series we’ve been saying the phrase, “Attend one, serve one.” That’s what ‘normal’ looks like here at Grace. Attending one service on the weekend and serving somewhere in this community once a week.
So single people? That’s my challenge to you. There are a ton of ways you can use your gift of singleness to serve.
And I just want to highlight one. Our Care Center. [images: Care Center 1-6]
If you’re unfamiliar, our Care Center is Grace’s way of serving those in our community who are in need. We have a spectacular choice food pantry, English as a new language classes, a car care ministry, micro-financing, a co-op program with referral services.
It’s amazing. We serve over 600 families a week.
And it is made possible by an intergenerational army of volunteers doing everything from stocking shelves to fixing cars to helping our friends shop.
But we need more, because in this time of growing hardship, we’re having to turn families away because we don’t have enough people serving.
If you are one of those single people who, as Paul describes, can devote yourself to the Lord with as few distractions as possible, I encourage you jump in. You don’t have special skills or experience. It’s just your presence that is needed.
You have so much to offer. Serving in the Care Center, finding community there, could be just the way for you to activate your gift of singleness in this present crisis.
——
So there you have it, folks. Singleness is a gift in the Church. It doesn’t get much more countercultural than that.
We are the family of God, and we can’t fully heal this broken world until every one of us - Husbands, wives, elders, parents, children, and singles - says yes to His invitation.
We are a family. Let’s come together in self-giving love, use the unique gifts he’s given each of us, and show our broken world what’s possible.
[PRAY]